By: Crystal Mullen-Johnson In the beginning, after you met your partner and vowed to be with them for life, you may not have considered all the challenges ahead of you. The question is, when challenges arise, will you allow them to rock your boat and sink your ship, or will you ride the waves and fight for your marriage? The power of love should encourage you to communicate, respect, support, and commit to your partner, even during turbulent times. There are some situations—such as abuse—that are unacceptable in a marriage. However, most circumstances can be resolved through communication, validation, and negotiation: · Communication is an important skill that helps us to maintain intimacy through listening, being supportive, and respecting each other’s differences. Allow yourself to be open to give and receive. · A healthy marriage should also consist of validation. There are moments when you may disagree, but you should not discredit your partner’s thoughts and feelings or demean their character. · If you find you cannot overcome a challenge, try to negotiate these issues through a marriage counselor. Negotiation includes learning healthy conflict-resolution strategies, identifying areas of focus, and improving communication skills. Counseling can help you achieve a deeper appreciation for your spouse by cultivating an environment of trust, respect, and acceptance. Remember, you are committed for a lifetime. Love has the potential to heal wounds and overcome barriers, but only if you are willing to communicate, validate, and negotiate!

By: Crystal Mullen-Johnson What comes to mind when you hear the term ‘Shero’? A woman who is the essence of strength, resilience, and determination—right? Her character is giving and yet a work-in-progress simultaneously. She’s our mother, professional, friend, sister, and entrepreneur all in one. But let’s be real sisters and have a true heart-to-heart. Sometimes being strong on the daily can have a negative effect on our lives, and in hindsight, negatively impact our loved ones surrounding us, as well. Most Sheros desire to help others but deny themselves the gift of receiving help in return. Is it because we feel that our perception of strength is being stripped away? Maybe it’s because we want to be in control because we sense that’s our only option? Society has placed several expectations on our mothers to be homemakers, working moms, and caretakers all in the same capacity to the point that it’s causing an emotional deficit internally without us even realizing. In alignment with the notion, “that’s what a woman is supposed to do,” but why must we be prescribed these roles when responsibilities can be easily delegated?  We are constantly in Shero mode trying to function as the “Strong Woman.” Eventually, this role can create stress and burnout if not managed properly—particularly for mothers. A mother’s pride is to rescue her kids from situations they will innately learn from by making mistakes. Some mothers are primarily focused on how others perceive them because they aren’t confident that they’re living up to society’s standards. It’s hard to be everything for everyone without also taking time to heal yourself in the process. Let’s start taking the time to develop realistic goals and standards that are achievable and less stressful overall. Focus on creating a work–life balance by delegating tasks to others. Allow them to help rescue you from the overwhelming burnout. We have so many strenuous life demands and not enough support. So give yourself permission today to remove your cape and relax. Crystal Mullen-Johnson, Owner Strive Counseling Services, L.L.C

By: Crystal Mullen-Johnson Compared to women, men are less likely to receive mental health counseling. Instead of seeking any kind of treatment, men are more likely to deal with stress by overindulging in work, abusing alcohol, or binge watching sports. Young men between the ages of 15 and 24, especially African American men, are at an increased risk for suicide. According to the U.S Department of Health and Human Services Office of Minority Health , African Americans are 10% more likely to report having extreme psychological discomfort than Non-Hispanic whites. The mortality rate from suicide for African American men was more than four times greater than for African American women, in 2014. My favorite actor on the TV show The Young and the Restless  is Kristoff St. John. He committed suicide on February 2, 2019. Neil Winters, played by Kristoff, appeared to be so happy and full of life. Neil was a romantic, the kind of guy you see and think, “I would like to marry someone like him because he looks attractive, possesses some great qualities, and appears to be physically and mentally healthy.” Prior to Kristoff’s suicide, he was known for struggling off the set with mental illness. Kristoff’s son committed suicide in 2014, which led to Kristoff’s grieving and silent suffering. Delayed grief of a loved one can manifest into a mental illness if untreated. Mental health therapy helps people improve their self-awareness. It can also help them reprogram their brain patterns to better process situations and develop solutions to problems. When people use both objective resources and therapy, it helps them conquer their mental health issues, improve their problem-solving and conflict-resolution skills, and manage their emotions. Down through the years, African American men and women have learned to suppress their pain and emotions and to “get over it” instead of discussing their troubles. The myth that one should “fake it till you make it,” distorts the reality of our problems. We become debilitated and internalize our problems by suffering silently. That behavior allows our internal suffering to be kept “under wraps.” Laura Anderson, a former archivist for the Birmingham Civil Rights Institute and author of the book Civil Rights in Birmingham believes there is a heavy local legacy of collective failure to deal with trauma. She recalls what one hears in interviews with Birmingham residents who shared their memories of the many bombings in Birmingham over the years. Of course, the 16th Street Baptist Church bombing that killed: Denise McNair, Carole Robertson, Addie Mae Collins, and Cynthia Wesley stands out. “From scores of interviews, one comes to understand that adults went to work the next day, students and teachers went to school the following day, all without opportunity to process a highly traumatic experience.” This is a great example of how African Americans developed a tolerance for trauma. Many believe we must be strong and courageous, and that life must go on without processing trauma. However, without processing trauma, people continue to suffer in silence. Michael B. Jordan is another example of someone struggling with mental illness, but he was able to struggle less with the help of treatment. Michael B. Jordan played a character in the movie Black Panther and stated that he began to sync with his character both on and off the set. The character was portrayed as violent and resentful, with vindictive motives. Michael disclosed that therapy was helpful in processing uncomfortable emotions so that he felt comfortable and in sync with his character on the set, and was able to be himself off the set. Unfortunately, not all African Americans have access to mental health resources, and they also have to overcome barriers to access. Some reasons why African Americans have problems accessing mental health treatment are poverty, poor education, lack of insurance, and fear of being discovered. The myths ingrained in our culture also impair our judgment, which creates more stigma around mental health within our community. The National Institute on Minority Health and Health Disparities (NIMHD) collaborated with Omega Psi Phi Fraternity to launch an educational outreach program called “ Brother, You’re on My Mind .” According to NIMHD, “The focus [of the program] is to raise awareness about the mental health challenges associated with stress and depression that affect African American men and their families.” One of the program’s goals is to communicate the importance of seeking help for mental health problems and to encourage affected individuals to get information, possibly by talking with their health care providers, in order to obtain appropriate treatment. It is evident we have progressed as a culture economically and educationally. However, we still have great strides to make to improve mental health in our community. In the past, and still to this day, we are very comfortable wearing a mask with many layers of faces that we wear to appease others. By removing the mask, we can help ourselves achieve and reflect genuine peace of mind, happiness, and security. Who will you be when you remove the mask that hides your layers of trauma, depression, anxiety, marital discord, and stress? Find out by making an appointment at Strive Counseling Services with a therapist today. Crystal Mullen-Johnson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and a Registered Play Therapist in Birmingham, AL with more than 14 years of experience in providing counseling. Strive Counseling Services is a private practice located in downtown Birmingham that offers therapeutic mental health services to children (play therapy), adolescents, and adults. Strive offers evidence-based therapeutic modalities such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Visit these websites for mental health resources: · Strive Counseling Services— http://www.strivebhm.com · National Institute of Mental Health— http://www.nimh.nih.gov   · National Alliance on Mental Illness— http://www.nami.org   American Psychological Association— http://www.apa.org

By: Crystal Mullen-Johnson New Year’s Eve is meant to be a time of reflection on the ending of an era; however, for most people, it often tends to create high-functioning anxiety due to the stresses of not completing everything on a particular goal list, not meeting a quota, or simply thinking about what all needs to be done in the upcoming year. Many end the year with bad habits and therefore plan to start the following day implementing their “New Year’s Resolutions.” What has helped me in my New Year’s Resolution phase is looking forward to sitting at my table on New Year’s Eve day to reflect over the year and to express my gratitude for what I actually accomplished. The most exciting experience is reading through my daily journal entries from January 1st to December 31st. This practice helps me to see how much I’ve progressed throughout the year. Being realistic, I always carry over a few unfinished goals. These unmet goals help me to streamline and categorize what I need to accomplish in the upcoming year, from the most important goals down to goals that need adjusting.   When it comes to developing new resolutions, it’s common to be eager to include relationship, financial, spiritual, and career goals, but as you are moving forward and thinking on new goals, consider adding a space for mental health. For me, it’s imperative that I be mindful of my mental health goals as much as my other goals when I’m entering a new season of life each year. Not sure where to start? Since many use mental health and mental illness interchangeably, let’s break down the differences. Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, behavioral, and social well-being. We should be concerned about our mental health throughout life because it’s a part of our everyday being. Mental illness is a psychological disorder that can impact an individual’s social and occupational functioning. Mental Illness affects our thoughts, behaviors, and moods. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 5 people will experience a mental illness in a given year. One in 25 Americans live with a serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression. One in 5 children, either currently or at some point during their life, have had a seriously debilitating mental illness. In 2018, we saw an increase in suicides among African American children. It’s crucial for all children to learn healthy coping skills and accept that suicide is not an option. Equally important is the role parents play in being more mindful of their kid’s mental health, as well. Undiagnosed mental illness contributes to homicides and suicides. We have to be cognizant about our overall mental health and how we are modeling coping skills with our children, while simultaneously understanding that children are not miniature adults. Be aware of the pressure you put on your children. Allow them to emotionally express themselves by being an active listener. Don’t assume how they are feeling or project your feelings onto them. Make it a priority for you and your kids to be mentally healthy in 2019. Pencil in self-care, become more aware of signs and symptoms of mental illness, get a physical, exercise daily, spend more time with your kids, model healthy coping skills, and journal daily for progress. It’s time to overcome mental health stigmas and build a foundation for a healthier YOU.

By: Crystal Mullen-Johnson When people think of public health, they automatically associate it with obesity, stroke, smoking, heart-attacks, etc. But the thought of ‘loneliness’ rarely comes to mind. According to the Harvard Business Review, we are living in the most technologically connected age in history, but the rates of loneliness have doubled since the 80s. How is it that we can be instantly connected, but simultaneously feel a sense of emptiness, more than ever before? We operate in a progressive state of social connectivity, which is largely affecting how we are influenced, as well as our overall interactions with others. The need for instant gratification is the driving force for regret, impatience, rejection, and feelings of inadequacy. These social symptoms are major factors that make it easier for us to satisfy an instant need or relapse into old, unhealthy habits such as excessive eating;excessive spending; and sex, drug, and Internet addictions. Our brain seeks euphoric experiences that are received from released endorphins. Therefore, we must understand that euphoria only lasts for a short period of time. Subconsciously, we attach ourselves to these experiences that give us a sense of joy, even though those attachments may be harmful for our overall well-being. Since we know these habits aren’t good for us, we increase our chances of feeling lonely due to interchangeable feelings of guilt.   Let’s start with why you feel lonely by answering the following questions: • What do you expect from others?  • What emotional needs are unmet?  • Are you fulfilling a void with something that is harmful? What are you doing and who is accompanying you in the act?  • Do you have unhealthy habits?  • Do you make high-risk decisions when you are lonely? What are they? Break the cycle of maintained unhealthy habits for short-term happiness by paying attention to and dealing with your feelings of loneliness as they surface. If you or a loved one are feeling the pressures of loneliness, follow these tips: • Talk with a Mental Health Counselor at STRIVE Counseling Services • Connect to a positive interpersonal support group • Read self-help books • Join an exercise group • Find more empowering activities Crystal Mullen-Johnson, Owner Strive Counseling Services

By: Crystal Roskam, M. Ed., ALC, a therapist with STRIVE Counseling Services, LLC What is play therapy? Play Therapy is defined by Association of Play Therapy (APT) as “the systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained Play Therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development.” Simply put in play therapy the child and therapist interact with the utilization of toys, games, and activities to develop coping skills and express themselves emotionally.   How does it help a child? Children often have a difficult time expressing their emotions and they especially find it hard to comprehend how to discuss their experiences. Children express themselves through play without even thinking about it. Play Therapy techniques enable them to have the freedom to choose how and when they express the need for emotional and behavioral support. For example, children role-play with dolls/toys/stuffed animals and express their thoughts on a behavioral situation with a friend on the playground or a sibling/parent in their home. This can allow a therapist to model various alternative behaviors or emotional responses for the child to practice in their daily life. How does it help an adolescent? Similar to children, adolescents find it difficult to express difficulties they are facing in their interpersonal relationships with peers, friends, or family members. Adolescence is full of many changes and challenges. Therapy in general can be awkward for a teenager, it is important to build trust and comfort in  the therapy setting. Play Therapy techniques allow an adolescent to feel they are placing their focus on their activity, enabling them to not feel they are the complete focus of attention in therapy. The therapist can be fully present with them and in-the-moment with the adolescent during the activity and help them to feel comfortable with discussing something that may be hard to talk about.   How can it help an adult?   Some adults find worksheets and activities to be easy ways to model or express emotions or outline particular topics discussed in therapy. Role playing techniques can be easy ways for adults to model difficult conversations and work towards practicing appropriate techniques. Adults with some mental health concerns can approach play therapy techniques with more ease than traditional therapy techniques. It can also be helpful for adults to learn Play Therapy techniques to utilize with helping their relationship with their child. What is next? No matter where you are in life, Play Therapy can benefit you. Therapy is work, why not make it fun? Contact Crystal Roskam, M. Ed., ALC at STRIVE Counseling Services to inquire about setting an appointment or if you have questions about Play Therapy techniques. We are offering discounted rates for 5 sessions at 20% off! cstillwell@strivebhm.com | 205.721.9893 ext. 104

College students are living within their best years between the ages of their teenage years and young adult years. This is the time for students to learn how to process transitioning from a kid with no freedom, to a young adult who can balance their free time and daily tasks. Yes, college students do have more of an advantage when figuring out their identity and when managing their on and off campus activities, but that does not take away the fact they many college students still suffer from stress that usually lead full-time students to work on the side. Stress many have a toll on students’ as a whole, but managing stress can help reduce many negative symptoms when balancing their social life and work life. Any kind of stress can have an impact mentally and physically. The challenges stress can bring about to a college student, can not only affect the student, but the student’s performance within college. A student’s performance is critical in college because students are supposed to complete all tasks on their on and within their own time before the due dates. College may sound pleasing to know how much freedom a student as, when in college, but that free time can turn into a “time crunch” if the student is not active to find their interests as an individual and learn what path they want to pursue once college is over. Stress management as a college student is not only a key skill to develop, but a chance to learn how to overcome stress in general. For example, any college student who is able to plan accordingly and able to finish their tasks efficiently, then the better prepared and adapted the student will be during and after college. Therefore, if students are more prepared and adapted to their new environment away from home and mainly on their own, then the less stress students will have in college and will have more of a positive experience. In Fall, back in 2010, New York Times did a study how college students balance school, additional activities, and their personal life. Even though college students may be on their own, but still depend upon their parents, these students still deal with stress, if not more compared to other adults. One of the main reasons students deal with stress, is because certain groups can be discriminated for who they are. A few examples are when African American students have troubling times when finding work outside of college, when LGBTQ students are turned down from other activities on campus, or even when foreign students are not given enough attention within the classroom. Also back in 2017, American Psychological Association  also did a study on college students’ stress chart. About 30% of students seek help when feeling a stressful toll, over 60% of students report to have reduced stress after seeking help, and almost 10% of students do nothing to manage their stress. Whether students seek help or constantly receive help, if students are able to recognize their stress and are able to ask for help, then that’s a start itself; however, any student or students who fall under the 10% will have a hard time for the rest of their college years, have a difficult transition out of college to adulthood, and lastly will become less diligent or proactive.

Our family (of origin) and its function or dysfunction directly impacts our adulthood. Functional families have certain values that define it as functional. They are the ability to freely express emotions, healthy boundaries, healthy emotional support, a healthy equal co-parenting partnership, accountability, trust, and building healthy relationships. A dysfunctional family has the following characteristics: poor communication, lack of empathy, poorly defined boundaries, denial, emotional or physical abuse, addiction and/or mental illness, and lack of predictability. Much of the information we get from our family’s function or dysfunction is formative in helping us to develop coping skills, relationship building skills, and communication skills. Without a healthy family dynamic, individuals may end up having difficulty with these skills. According to the Journal of Family Medicine and Disease Prevention, for those of us who grow up in dysfunctional families, we often have difficulty forming and maintaining relationships, having a healthy positive self-esteem, difficulty trusting others, and often have difficulty expressing and regulating emotion. The trauma that occurs as a result of growing up in a dysfunctional family may have the effect of potentially causing an individual to have anger issues, substance abuse, and may repeat patterns of abuse within their new created family system, according to the Journal of Family Medicine and Disease Prevention. Through therapy that recognizes the family systems that have caused an individual to have a poor concept of self and understanding of healthy relationships, the therapeutic relationship can help aid the healing of an individual and stop the cycle of dysfunction. Contact Strive Counseling Services, L.L.C. to learn about services suitable for you and your family at 205-721-9893.

I was talking to my wife the other day and she mentioned an artist that has recently become a pretty big deal in the rap world, NF. Even if you are unfamiliar with this artist, you likely have heard his huge single, Let You Down, that was released in 2017. It was constantly playing on the radio. I was excited that she was asking about NF as I have followed him for a few years and have really connected with several of his songs in particular. She inevitably asked, "So why do you like him so much?". Hmm... I was taken back a little, because I honestly haven't thought about why. The beats are there, his lyrics just fly at speeds that seem inhuman at times and many songs tend to build in an epic climactic fashion (which are excellent for working out). But when I really got to thinking about it, my main praise is that I can't get over how deep his lyrics go.  I feel like most of the songs that get air time on the radio are crafted to focus on the hook and overall catchiness. However, there's something timeless about lyrics that are written from such a deep place of vulnerability. To simplify a lot of my thoughts, it's refreshing to hear songs that display emotions or experiences that are typically very difficult to express. If I can listen to or sing with a song that conveys deep emotion, my internal itch to release pent up emotions gets scratched. A lot of us don't even recognize when we have that 'itch' but can recognize the good feeling of release. NF does a phenomenal job of expressing pain, fears, insecurities, past abuse and other emotions that are vulnerable grounds that most people avoid like the plague (or in 2020, The Coronavirus). The reality is, however, that all of us have experienced past hurts, and often these pains still negatively affect us in our present lives.    I think specifically as a man, and obviously I'm not speaking for everyone here but from my perspective, it's harder to connect with emotions. Even naming emotions behind moments of frustration or anger can be difficult to do. So my concluding thoughts with Meagan were, I love listening to NF because of his ability to unlock emotions within me through meaningful song lyrics. Meaningful music is awesome! Written By: Clay Coppage, LICSW

I hate that racial fighting is still going on. I hate the discomfort of knowing that African Americans are being targeted by police, lawmakers, and White people across the country. I hate that so many of my White friends (and family) would rather debate than simply acknowledge. I hate that there’s a sense of us vs them that still exists today.   Our hope feels tarnished at times but I can’t help but hold onto my hope because this feels different. The catalyst of yet another gruesome death at the hands of those ‘sworn to protect’ has an entire nation marching. Hundreds of thousands of people peacefully making a statement only to be met with a harsh government response are ingredients for permanent-lasting-generational resolve toward change. If protestors had been placated, I can’t help but think the majority of unaffected people may have returned to normal and not fought for change. But a young White protestor dying due to tear gas and an elderly White protestors knocked unconscious who ended up in critical (yet stable) condition during peaceful protests are examples of how the Adoption Curve is growing. The majority of this nation can’t help but become interested in seeing this cause through.   The Black Lives Matter movement is charging toward a new level of US acceptance of equality. But how can we help it outside of the protests? Sometimes, we have to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations. For example, something wonderful happened in my office last Monday. We had a company-wide Zoom meeting in which the topic was racial inequality and Black Lives Matter. The discussion was slow to start and unshockingly awkward. At least eight minutes passed in silence until someone eventually broke with stories of personal experience. There were moments of anger and confrontation, but also of tears shed from both Black and White co-workers. There were moments of shared understanding and at the end, a push to figure out how our small office will become part of the solution. This is a micro picture of how macro change will take place in our country. The existing frustrations must be given a space to come out, be understood and then acted upon. This is the first time in my life I have been a part of a meeting of this nature, where racial pains were given space to be heard.   It is always hard to discuss pains with others, it is always awkward at first, but it will always be the first step in finding a solution. Written By: Clay Coppage, LICSW